The First Day of Teaching is Tomorrow!

I am a mix of feelings and thoughts on starting teaching tomorrow. Though I am confident that God has led me specifically to this position, I still am afraid. I am afraid that this year will be like last year or worse. To make the commitment tomorrow to teach these students until June almost seems too big. I'd rather quit before starting - and yet, I also want to step into the year.

(My friend Benny and I teaching a couple of years ago)

Tomorrow is going to come regardless or anything I do. I am going to teach regardless of how I feel. If you remember me tomorrow, or anytime this year, please pray for my heart in teaching.

A Light...

Today I went to Hallsville High School to look at my classroom, get a few resources, and then head to the administration office to drop off papers. It was so refreshing to walk into my classroom and feel like the room was bright, inviting and open. My department chair, Larry, also met me at the school and showed me around and helped me get the things I needed. This visit really has brought some brightness to my fears of stepping back into teaching - I am so happy to say that I am even a little excited.. this is a huge change, and I am so thankful to God for answering mine, and many of your, prayers... :)

New Life

One of the most amazing things of the summer, thus far, has been seeing my nephew come into this world. I had gone to visit my brother, Sean, and his family after hearing that Dani, my sister-in-law, was on bed rest. My mom had called me and told me they were having a hard time with just getting things done, so I flew out to help. The baby was not due until the end of July, so when I went in June the baby was not expected for a while. About half-way through the week I was there Dani went into labor on June 20th.

My brother, the proud daddy :)

Ari (my neice) and I spent her entire labor sitting next to each other. Ari, who is a pre-teen, had a hard time seeing her mom in so much pain, so I got to sit with my arm around her and talk her through the whole delivery. By the time Jackson Paul began crowning my eyes were filled with tears that I couldn't hold back - it was incredible to see him come out of the womb and to take his first breath of air - being a part of this special moment was amazing! Who else but God could create something so amazing!

For the next few days of my trip I ran around and spent more time with Ari and my brother's family. Other than Jackson Paul being born, the sweetest part of the trip was growing closer to Sean, Dani and Ari. I especially loved getting to spend time with Ari. I was auntie. To be auntie was new in a way. Ari is Dani's daughter, not from my brother. For many years they have been together and Ari and my relationship had not really been set as aunt and neice. The time together, and the birth of Jackson solidified this relationship. I really loved being with my family and being a part of this new life being born :)

Ari and I

Needing Strength

This is one of those times when I feel so blue, sad and scared. For some reason my fear of stepping back into teaching hit me. I knew I needed the time of the summer for God to heal my heart from the pain of last year, but I did not realize how afraid I was of teaching again. Last year was painful - I went from being successful in my profession and loving being with my students, to dreading most days and feeling like a continual failure.

When I first went to Hallsville to check out the teaching position I knew this was the school God was leading me too. I had been praying for Jon to have peace about the job option God was calling me to, because I had no peace - it kept shifting! Without even knowing my prayers, Jon told me that first time at Hallsville that he had peace in his heart about this school. From that point on, God opened the door in every way for me to have a high school teaching position.

I need God's strength and power right now to move through and past this pain. I have been reminded again from Ephesians that God's incomparibly great power is available for those who continually believe - and that this power is like the power God used in raising Christ from the dead and placing Him at His right hand with everything under Him. I am not sure how to take hold of this, except to ask God to work in me... I feel powerless.. afraid.. like I am going to fail.. and like I want to run.. and in the midst of all of this I am coming before God asking and believing with as much belief as I can that He can work His power and give me strength to not only face this new year of teaching but to look forward to it and restore my passion.